I am feeling a little beat down today and because of that this post feels more vulnerable than normal. I think because I am sitting in the emotions right now. I am not writing this after the fact, after I already have it all figured out. I think it’s tough too because the tone of this site is positive…the name is Thrive to Shine. And this doesn’t feel positive right now. It doesn’t feel like thriving. But my hope in writing is that it might encourage someone else that is feeling a similar way, to let you know you aren’t alone.
I have been praying for financial freedom for our family for awhile. Being in debt is a heavy burden. Due to my personality, I tend to carry the weight of it myself. But recently I have been feeling convicted to turn it all over to God (see post about lie of self-reliance). So I feel like I’ve been more intentional in my prayers and choosing to trust.
Well the past few months have felt like one thing after another where we are adding more debt instead of paying down debt. First it was problems with Chad’s car and we had to buy a different car, then we had to get new pipes for our house, then it was some on-going doctor and chiropractic visits, then I backed my car into Chad’s car (I mean, seriously?!). Then this past weekend my car started giving us trouble. I prayed that it would be a quick, easy, inexpensive fix.
Today we found out that it’s the transmission. When I heard that, I thought of course it is. Of course it’s something that costs thousands of dollars to fix. I just felt so beat down. I felt like we will never get out from under this debt. It’s exhausting.
I remembered my prayers to release the lie of self-reliance and so I took a moment to pray. When I did, I felt in my spirit God say to me, “Watch and see what I will do.” That isn’t something I have heard from Him before and it was definitely not how I was feeling so it felt like it was from Him. Yet, it is hard to hold on to that hope when it feels like it’s been one thing after another.
But I am choosing to HOPE and trust. I have been reminded that it could be so much worse. It’s just money. It’s just a car. Those things don’t really matter. I am so incredibly blessed in so many areas but especially in the ones that truly matter. As I was writing this the song “Do It Again” played. It stopped me in my tracks and filled my soul when I heard the lyrics, ” You made a way when there was no way and I believe I’ll see You do it again.” Friends, if you are feeling beat down like me today, take heart….God sees you. He cares about the things you care about. He will make a way. Watch and see what He will do.